"What If: Act Four"

Issue #283

By David Marshall

Dreamscape

"I don't understand," said Green Lantern. "He said he'd undo it all if I beat him. I held up my end of the bargain."

"I've been through this before with Mxyztplk," Superman answered. "If the magic hasn't broken he's holding an ace somewhere."

"A loophole?" Flash asked.

Superman nodded.

Flash looked confused. "But why bargain at all? He had us out of the picture."

"The game," Superman answered. "It means as much to him as the end result itself. Mxyztplk's not like a Despero or Mongul. He's not driven by ambition as much as he is mischief. It makes him much less predictable."

"And more dangerous," added Batman.

"Wait!" Green Lantern shouted. "The clones!"

"Clones?" Batman asked, his eyes narrowing. "What clones?"

"Mxyztlpk has cloned himself," Green Lantern replied. "If the clones are responsible for whatever's happening on Earth..."

"Then he's not bound to undo magic that is not his own," Wonder Woman finished.

"But if he created the clones wouldn't their magic be his?" Flash asked.

Superman shook his head. "Not in his mind. The technicalities always favor him. It's like playing a baseball game when the umpire has a vendetta against your team. You have to find a way to not only beat him but the rules as well."

"And what of us?" Aquaman asked. "How do we break free of this nether dimension?"

"Leave that up to me," Green Lantern answered. "I can will my ring to hone in on the rings of the other Green Lanterns on Earth."

"Do it," said Batman.

Emerald energy erupted from Green Lantern's ring and fashioned a reproduction of the transporter from the U.S.S Enterprise NCC 1701-D. "Away team ready?"

The Justice League climbed onto the transporters and stood in place.

"Seven to beam down," said Flash, who signaled a thumbs up to Green Lantern. "This is one of the coolest constructs ever."

"Thanks," said Green Lantern. "Please secure any loose items before the ride begins. Keep your hands and feet inside at all times and remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop."

Mxyzptlk's dreamscape faded from view and was replaced by the usually serene Green Lantern Corps Citadel outside Coast City. Teleporting frustrated Kyle even when he was in control. There was that brief moment where one's atoms hadn't yet fully reformed and you could see where you were teleporting, but you couldn't yet interact with the environment. It was a feeling of utter helplessness. This was one of those times. The Corps was locked in heated battle with dead heroes from the past.

Shilandra Thane was under attack from the slain Titan known as Kole. Kyle remembered hearing about her from his days with the Titans. She lost her life during the Crisis. Everyone said she was a sweet kid, but not on this day. A crystallized spear sped through the air at the orange-skinned Green Lantern and splintered against her emerald shield at the last instant.

Guy Gardner was in the grasp of Rita Farr, the former Elasti Girl of the Doom Patrol. She was by far the most imposing sight on the landscape, easily standing thirty feet high. Guy cursed as he struggled to free himself, but profanities alone were insufficient to break her vice.

Hal Jordan squared off against Barry Allen. The Flash landed several super-speed blows to the protective aura surrounding the Corp's most legendary figure. The blows exploded like thunder against the emerald glow, but Hal's ring held.

Raw speed alone wasn't enough to beat Hal, so Barry tried vibrating his hands through the aura and choking his former friend to death. Hal batted at Flash's arms but they were attuned to a frequency that made touching Barry nearly impossible. Hal strained to reconfigure his ring's frequency modulation quickly enough to hold Barry out. Perhaps it was the swaths of yellow in the lightning bolt pattern that wrapped around the wrist of his gloves that made the task so difficult but the two were locked in a stalemate.

Xax formed an emerald prison around Hourman, Dr. Mid-Nite and the Atom. The JSAer's struggled against the energy construct before Hourman and Atom combined their efforts into one punch directed by Dr. Mid-Nite at the weakest point of their cell. Their verdant prison exploded, freeing the JSA members. The resultant feedback knocked Xax unconscious.

The Titan known as Jericho made eye contact with Hollika Rahn and leaped into her body. She immediately turned her power ring against the other Green Lanterns, posing an even greater danger than most of the heroes on the ground. She took to the air and opened fire. Apros was caught unaware by one of her blasts and plummeted from the sky. Only the failsafe built into his ring prevented him from becoming a Green Omelette. Stel immediately took over and met the possessed Green Lantern's challenge. Luckily for the Grendan, Hollika was a Green Lantern and her will wasn't so easily usurped. She fought hard against Joseph Wilson's possession of her body.

Every ounce of sanity Kyle possessed screamed the scene wasn't right and he wondered what the sight of Barry would do to Wally once they materialized fully. He didn't wonder long.

Wally rushed to Hal's aid as soon as the League fully materialized.

"Aww nuts, not the Justice League too!" Guy Garnder exclaimed. He was still caught in Elasti-Girl's grip and wrestled against her massive fingers. "Just when we have these pansies on the ropes another group of dead losers show up. Bats is mine people!"

Even in the heat of battle an amusing thought brought a smile to Kyle's face. Why was it that no matter how loud the battlefield, Guy's voice could always be heard over the bedlam?

Kyle rushed to Guy's aid. A giant, emerald Bugs Bunny burrowed out of the ground and hopped on Elasti-Girl's back. It covered her eyes with one hand and held a carrot in the other.

"What's up, Doc?" Bugs asked as he munched his carrot.

While distracted by Kyle's construct, Elasti-Girl dropped Guy.

Kyle was amazed by the giant woman's sheer strength. He allowed Bugs to dissipate and caught Guy in a catcher's mitt.

"I must have taken that wrong turn at Albequerque," Bugs exclaimed as he vanished.

"Hey! They're on our side!" Guy exclaimed to anyone who cared to listen. "You'd better have a good reason for not being dead!"

"The report of our deaths has been greatly exaggerated," said Kyle. "Wanna help me deal with tall, dark, and zombie?"

"Damn right I do," Guy answered as he freed himself from Kyle's mitt. "I think she broke a rib or two."

The two Green Lanterns attacked simultaneously. Kyle formed a giant football player who rushed Elasti-Girl and tackled her to the ground.

"Unnecessary roughness, said Guy. "Fifteen yard penalty on the defense." He joined the motif, creating a yellow referee's flag and throwing it at Elasti-Girl. As it soared through the air, the flag expanded in size and morphed into a massive net that enveloped the Doom Patrol's resident diva. She struggled against it.

"Now, while she's distracted!" Guy yelled.

Emerald Taser probes flew from Kyle's ring and struck Elasti-Girl in the abdomen. For a brief moment she struggled against the electricity invading her body, but Kyle turned up the juice. The woman he fought was not Rita Farr, but one of Mxyztplk's monstrosities. He would show it no mercy.

Elasti-Girl staggered before losing consciousness.

"Timber!" Guy yelled as Elasti-Girl fell to the ground and reverted to normal size. "A flag that turned into a net?" Kyle asked. "I thought you only made weapons these days."

Guy shrugged. "In my hands anything is a weapon, twerp! Speaking of weapons, don't you ever just get the urge to make a big, green fist or mallet and just smash something?"

"I didn't throw the flag," said Kyle.

"I was penalizing you for making it a Gotham Knights uniform," Guy shot back. "Let's see who else could use some help."

Kyle nodded and flew high into the air. He formed a megaphone with his ring and spoke into it. "Don't hold back! Remember these aren't the real heroes, just Mxyztlplk's magic!"

Guy helped Shilandra Thane with Kole. The Titan was adept at creating her crystallized structures, but they were no match for a pair as experienced as Shilandra and Guy. While Guy carved up her ice constructs with a chainsaw, his fellow Lantern formed a hideous multi-tentacled creature that wrapped its slithering coils around the dead Titan. Like a Boa Constrictor it squeezed the fight out of its prey.

On the ground below the battle raged on.

John Stewart squared off with a broad-shouldered, square-jawed man in a trench coat that Kyle didn't recognize. He looked like a man that stepped out of the pages of an old issue of Time or Look magazine.

Free of Xax'x emerald prison, the battle-savvy JSA members wandered into the fray. Hourman roughed up Superman who struggled against Mxyztplk's magic, while J'onn J'onzz learned how effective Atom's atomic punch really was.

Wonder Woman lassoed Hollika Rhan with her Golden Lasso. Kyle hoped she would remember to avoid eye contact. The last thing anyone needed was to have her fall under Jericho's control.

"Abomination! You are not the real Joseph Wilson! I command you to leave this Green Lantern!" Wonder Woman commanded.

Jericho didn't listen, instead he raised Hollika's ring toward the Amazon and fired. A burst of energy from Stel's ring intercepted the blast at the last moment. Twin beams of emerald light fought for dominance in a war of wills that manifested in the form of two hands locked in an arm-wrestling grip. The combined strength of the lasso and the willpower of two Green Lanterns were an effective pairing however. Hollika Rhan finally ejected the deceased Titan from her body and collapsed. A blow from Wonder Woman's right hand assured Jericho would make contact with no one else.

Wally cast his lot with Hal Jordan.

"Hal, can you trust me on this?" Wally asked.

"Of course I do," Hal answered. "What do you have in mind?"

"Go!" Wally yelled. He tapped into the Speed Force and lent its momentum to Hal who burst toward the Scarlet Speedster in an unexpected emerald blur. The gambit caught Barry by surprise and Hal was able to circle the Flash and contain him within an energy sphere.

Kyle added his willpower to the cause. "Tapped into the Speed Force you should be able to alter the vibrational frequency as fast as Barry can change it. I'm going to help the others."

Despite the sweat beading up on Hal's forehead, he nodded. That was good enough for Kyle. He took to the skies looking for someone else in trouble. He didn't have to look far. John Stewart seemed reluctant to tangle with the man in the trench coat. Instead he shot his emerald energy recklessly toward the peaceful waters of the Pacific. A smug grin appeared on the man's face as he watched John misfire his ring again and again. Talk about not raising a sweat! He hadn't yet removed his hands from his pockets even. How was it possible he had such a powerful Green Lantern fighting absolutely nothing? Was he somehow controlling John's mind?

"Who's the guy in plain clothes giving John fits?" Kyle asked over the Martian Manhunter's telepathic link.

"Mark Merlin," J'onn J'onzz replied. "An adventurer from way back. He was presumed dead. No one knows for sure what happened to him."

"He puts up quite a fight for a dead man," Green Lantern replied. "I'm going in."

John turned his ring skyward and fired a blast that nearly fried Kyle as he descended. What had gotten into him? Kyle would have sworn Jericho possessed his fellow Green Lantern if not for the fallen body of the former Titan laying unconscious on the field of battle. Once Kyle got his bearings he understood John's erratic behavior. A hideous, three-headed dragon bellowed a plume of fiery breath that was too close for comfort. It was invisible from overhead .

"I would have been here sooner, but Guy was having woman troubles again," said Kyle. "How come I couldn't see the Medieval triplets before?"

"I didn't either until I landed," John explained. "The man controlling him either has it cloaked or it can render itself invisible."

The towering dragon's three heads roared in unison while staying between them and its master.

A suit of emerald armor formed over Kyle's Green Lantern costume while a matching lance appeared in his hand. He mounted a steed born of Oan science and magic. His horse raised up majestically as Kyle lofted his weapon over his head. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Kyle dug his heels into his horse and the pair charged their foe. As they approached, he lowered his lance and focused his will on a spot on the underside of the beast's belly. But the dragon was far from defenseless. Another fiery inferno caused Kyle's horse to buck him off and deposited him roughly on his posterior region.

"I suppose now you're going to tell me it's only a scratch?" John asked. His attack was more direct. He fired off a series of basic energy beams, but the dragon remained unscathed. The whole time Mark Merlin sneered from the safety of his position behind the dragon and manipulated its controls.

Kyle pulled John back. "We're going to have to do this together."

John nodded. "Agreed. I'll attack high and you go low." He bound the beast's heads and its arms in stocks and chains. While it struggled to break free, Kyle circled its legs with an emerald lasso. The lasso was tied to a team of eight green horses who pulled the beast's legs in the opposite direction in which John willed his energy. The monster shook the ground when it finally stumbled, but didn't stay down long. It burned away the constructs and reared up on its hind feet with a deafening roar.

"All we did was anger it," said Kyle. "Any ideas?"

"We get to its master," John answered.

An inferno erupted from the creature's mouth once more and bathed the Green Lanterns in fire. Their rings saved them but it was obvious the dragon was not giving up its master without a fight.

"That may be easier said than done," Kyle replied. "This baby's nothing like Donkey's girlfriend from Shrek II!"

Before John Stewart could answer, the dragon expelled another burst. The flames were so hot Kyle could feel them even through his ring's protective aura. John obviously felt the heat too. Sweat poured from his brow as he struggled to maintain his defenses. Whether it was the hellish flames or the stress of battle, Kyle wasn't sure.

But he was sure of the next thing he saw. J'onn J'onzz flew into the midst of the inferno. What was he thinking? Fire was his one weakness.

"J'onn, no!" cried Kyle. "Stay back! The flames!"

Kyle's warning came too late. The Martian Manhunter was engulfed.

Surprisingly, the inferno had no effect on him as he passed through not only the fire but the dragon as well. He slugged Mark Merlin to the ground and the dragon vanished.

"What the...?" John Stewart asked.

J'onn retrieved a crude eye-shaped device from the adventurer's hands. "It wasn't real, the dragon, the fire, any of it. Merlin manipulated your brains with this illusion-casting device. I picked up the mental image from your brains that you were fighting a dragon."

"And we thought he controlled the dragon with the device," said Kyle. "While in fact..."

"There was no dragon," J'onn answered.

A victorious Wonder Woman turned her attention to aiding Superman. She wasted little time with Rex Tyler. He'd beaten the Man of Steel pretty badly but Diana wasn't vulnerable to magic. A kick to his back effectively ended his usefulness on the battlefield. Atom faired no better. While his Atomic Punch was formidable, the Amazon was nigh invulnerable and shrugged the blows off easily. Atom was a brawler which was unfortunate for him. Wonder Woman was a master of Amazon battle techniques and quickly took him down.

Despite his splinted leg, Batman entered the fray. Unable to move easily, he waited patiently as the mockery of the hero known as Dr. Mid-Nite circled him slowly. Batman offered several openings, but the Doctor didn't take his bait. At last, Batman made the first move and drew a reaction. He punched, but Dr. Mid-Nite blocked it aside and landed a hard right to the Dark Knight's chin. Unable to support himself, Batman fell. Even then, Dr. Mid-Nite continued his methodical approach to their altercation. He circled like a vulture waiting for his prey to die.

Batman lifted himself to one knee and tried to stand, but Dr. Mid-Nite connected a well-placed kick to his ribs. The World's Greatest Detective lay sprawled on the ground and tried to catch his breath, but was far from finished. A Bat-a-Rang appeared from beneath his cape and caught the surprised JSAer in the forehead. It was his turn to stagger now.

Ordinarily Batman would have made a move already, but with his wounded leg he was able to do little more than crawl.

"Your luck is about to change," said Dr. Mid-Nite. A blackout bomb darkened them from view.

Kyle watched the battle from the skies. He couldn't see what was going on beneath Mid-Nite's cloud, so he made a huge emerald fan and blew the smoke away.

The unexpected clearing of the black smoke confused Dr. Mid-Nite who looked heavenward at Green Lantern.

Gotham's protector took advantage of the brief distraction. He retrieved a small gelatinous capsule form his utility belt and hurled it at Dr. Mid-Nite's feet. It exploded and engulfed the JSA's resident physician in a cloud of magenta smoke.

"Smoke? Is that all you have? It would seem that you aid me with...." Dr. Mid-Nite staggered as the cloud enveloped him. He struggled to maintain his balance and tossed and errant blackout bomb to his right.

Batman retrieved a Batline from his cape and entangled Doctor Mid-Nite's legs within its tongues. Once the lead-weighted ends were taut, Batman jerked the attached rope and pulled his foe's legs out from under him. The unconscious JSAer hit the ground hard.

Meanwhile, another battle saw Zatarra frustrating Kilowog with his reverse incantations. The Bolovax Green Lantern abandoned his energy attacks for more creative options. He formed a lasso with his ring and hurled it toward the mage, but Zatarra was ready. "mih ta kcab ossal lruh rorriM.."

A mystical mirror appeared and shot Kilowog's emerald lasso back at him. It caught him within its bonds and left him dangling upside down from his own construct. Kyle wasn't sure why Kilowog didn't will his construct to simply vanish, unless perhaps Zatarra somehow controlled it. Zatarra seemed pleased with himself.

While Zatarra admired his work, Aquaman leaped into action and unloaded a haymaker to the magician's jaw. Zatarra shrugged it off as he was protected by a magical aura that absorbed most of the force of Aquaman's blow. "!yawa hsif elttil siht yrrac enacirruH"

First came the raging winds followed closely by the pounding storm surge. The King of Atlantis himself was overcome by the powerful undertow and washed away as Zatarra commanded. Luckily there were no structures in the immediate area besides the Green Lantern Citadel and even it was in danger of toppling despite being anchored by ancient Oan energies. Panic and confusion swept over what was once a field of battle as heroes alive and dead struggled against Zatarra's storm and the angry sea.

Kyle, John, and the Martian Manhunter were caught in the rapidly rising flood waters. A giant wave towered over them but John Stewart enclosed the trio in a verdant bubble and plucked them from the churning sea. For the moment they were safe within John's construct.

"It's all I can do to hold the energy sphere together against the winds,"cried a spent John Stewart. "I've been in category five storms that couldn't hold a candle to this."

"Zatarra's incantations are more formidable than I remember," J'onn replied. "He must be drawing power from one of the Mxyztplk clones."

"I'll add my power to yours," Kyle shouted over the mayhem. "At least long enough to stabilize it. I'm going out there."

J'onn J'onzz grabbed Kyle's arm. "There is no shame in regrouping. Your fellow Green Lanterns are assisting the others."

The Manhunter was right. Taking a cue from John, the other Green Lanterns plucked heroes both dead and living from the hellish wrath of the storm. The whole time Zatarra stood in the midst of the devastation and admired his handiwork like some twisted, insane Moses. The spot on which he stood remained perfectly calm and dry, a refuge of calm surrounded on all sides by walls of angry, churning water held back by magic.

"How is he doing that?" Flash asked over the telepathic link.

"He's made himself the hurricane's eye," Batman answered. "Ideas anyone?"

"I can get to him," Superman answered.

"But you'd be powerless against his magic once you got there," Batman replied. "Anyone else?"

J'onn broke the link's awkward silence. "Only a fool or a madman would rush into that maelstrom."

"Wahoo!" Guy Gardner raced toward the eye of the hurricane.

"Guy! No!" Kyle cried, but it was too late.

"Don't worry, shrimp! If I can break through the winds I can take him down." The man who had been known as both Green Lantern of Earth and the Warrior attacked. A hail storm of shuriken erupted from his hands but Zatarra's winds blew them away easily. One buried itself in Guy's shoulder.

"Son of a... So you want me to break out the big guns?" Golden Gatling guns emerged from Guy's forearms and unloaded a steady spray of lead at the deranged magician. Like the previous weapon the bullets never had a chance against the howling wind. A gesture from Zatarra reminded everyone who mastered the storm.

"!yawa htaerb sih ekat sdniW" Zatarra cried.

Guy clenched his throat and struggled for oxygen. Even for someone so brash, the concern on his face was obvious.

While Zatarra was distracted with Guy, he didn't notice the unmistakable rush of ocean foam racing toward him. At first all that could be seen was the hook emerging from the wall of water that surrounded the calm of Zatarra's hurricane's eye. Then Aquaman exploded from the deep.

He slammed into Zatarra and this time he hit with the strength only the King of Atlantis himself could muster in such circumstances. The force of the blow hurled Zatarra into the air where a recovered Guy Gardner sliced him in half with a scimitar.

"Hey, it's not like he's real," Guy huffed as he sucked for air.

With Zatarra "dead" once more, the hurricane immediately ceased and everything returned to normal. The pillars of the Green Lantern Citadel righted themselves to their proper positions. Even the dead heroes vanished.

The Justice League and the Corps regrouped around the Citadel.

"What is going on?" Flash asked. "All these people were heroes."

"And dead," Kyle added. "You don't just come back from the dead." He eyed Superman and Hal Jordan. "Well... most people anyway."

"This is the kind of craziness that's been going on since you've been away," said Hal. "It's happening all over the world. The heroes of Earth have battled everything from alien invasions to cities changing locations. This time it was an attack by dead heroes. We called in some Green Lanterns to assist. Good to see you, Wally. The real Barry would be proud."

Despite the solemnity of the situation, Wally couldn't hold back his smile. "Thanks, Hal. That means a lot coming from you."

"Mxyztplk is behind the madness," said Superman.

John Stewart nodded. "Yeah, we know. We're mostly holding our own at best. But a few have reported some success in tricking him to say his name backwards. But his magic doesn't go away."

"That's because he's cloned himself," Kyle answered. "They're all over the globe."

Guy Gardner pushed his way into the conversation and cracked his knuckles. "So we know the freakin' imp in the bad costume is behind it. What are we going to do about it? I say we take the fight to him."

"Agreed," said Batman.

Guy smiled. "Imagine that. Me and Bats agree."

"Don't get used to it," Batman replied.

"But how do we take the fight to him when he can alter reality at a whim?" Kilowog asked. "There has to be some way to meet him on even terms."

Superman stepped forward. "As the one with the most experience with Mxyztplk, I think I know a way. Batman, we need Oracle."

The Justice League Watchtower

A veritable who's who of the Earth's superheroes crammed into the Watchtower. The JLA, the JSA, the Titans, the Metal Men, the Doom Patrol, and an assortment of others were represented. Some had worked together in the past. Others were virtual strangers, but they had one common goal... to rid the world of Mxyztplk's magic.

Superman rose into the air with his arms folded across his chest. "I'd like to thank everyone for coming. As you can see, we are not dead. We were the first hit by Mxyztptlk's magic attacks during a JLA meeting. I'd like to thank each of you for standing against his madness while we were away. You've saved many lives and done much good. But now is the time to take back our world, rather than merely play disaster control. It will take all of you working together to defeat him. Unfortunately events have played out so we cannot take part in that fight. Those of you who have been fighting, keep up the good work. Please trust us on this one. The JLA is needed more elsewhere."

"So the JLA tucks its tail between its legs when Earth's fat's in the fire?" Guy Gardner blurted.

"No, Guy," Superman answered. "As I stated, we are needed elsewhere. We trust the remaining heroes assembled here can handle things, especially if everyone is working together."

"Sounds like skipping out to me," Gardner huffed.

Batman made as much of a bee-line toward Guy as one can make when supported by a crutch. "That's enough."

Guy gritted his teeth and sneered. "You don't spook me, Bats!" A yellow machete sprouted from his hand. "Let's dance!"

A pair of large, emerald hands pushed them apart. "Not today, Guy. I don't know what they're up to, but I trust the JLA with my life. If Superman says he has a plan, that's good enough for me," said Hal Jordan. "Got it?"

Guy shrugged. "Woulda been his funeral anyway."

Batman shot Guy a nasty look but said nothing.

Hourman stepped forward. "If you need the JSA, you know we're in."

"Thank you, Hourman," Superman answered. "We knew the JSA could be counted on to lead the Earth's heroes. As for everyone else, if you currently work as a team, continue to do so. Other established groups like the JSA and Titans are encouraged to manage their vast resources. Call in your reserves. Do what you have to do to cover the most ground possible. Everyone else will band together in smaller teams to face whatever that mad imp throws against us. The Global Guardians have been deployed, as have the individual heroes of all the nations. Alliances are forming even now. Oracle will coordinate everything."

"So the JLA won't be involved with this effort?" asked Firestorm.

Superman shook his head. "Yes, just not the JLA Security Council. That's what our meeting was about. Moving forward, the seven of us will serve as a permanent council to assure the League's direction whether we remain active or not. As for this crisis, we have business elsewhere," said Superman. "The Council has discussed the matter and will ask some of you to take our place while we're away. Firestorm, Green Arrow, Atom, Zatanna, the Green Lantern of Earth, Red Tornado, Black Canary, Hawkman, Elongated Man, Booster Gold, and Blue Beetle will fight under the JLA banner. With his experience in both the JSA and JLA, Hawkman will serve as leader of the combined teams and coordinate strategy with Oracle and the JSA's D.I.N.A.H protocol. Please respect his authority in these difficult times."

"What?" Guy exclaimed. He pointed to Booster and Beetle. "Those two clowns get chosen and not me?"

"Guess they know the difference between big time and circus peanuts, pal. Eh, Booster?" Blue Beetle asked.

"Yeah," Beetle added. "No fashion faux pas this time around. A bowl haircut? What was he thinking?"

"This is no time for juvenile humor," Hawkman admonished. He pointed his mace toward the well-known pranksters. "Guy Gardner has proven himself a thousand times over. His presence is required within the Green Lantern Corps. His is a special place within their ranks and his responsibilities demand his attention there. Do not antagonize him again. Understood?"

Booster Gold tried to deflect the admonition with nervous laughter as Hawkman walked away. "We didn't mean anything by it. Just keeping things light."

Hawkman turned to the two cutups once more. "You served with him in the League yourselves. You should know better than to make light of his skills or dedication."

"It's what we do," Blue Beetle added. "Save the world, get the girls, and give Guy hell."

Hawkman closed the distance between them and stood beak to nose with Beetle. "Not in my League you won't."

No one said anything as Hawkman asserted his authority. He was one of the most respected of all Earth's heroes. Superman smiled. It was why the League chose Katar in the first place. Hawkman walked away leaving the JLA's most famous cut-ups stunned.

"Sheesh... and I thought Bats could use a personality makeover," Booster whispered. "That Hawkman is even worse than..."

"Ixnay on the Awk-Hay An-May," Blue Beetle whispered flashing a throat-slashing gesture.

Superman wanted to laugh, but didn't want to call more attention to the pair's antics. Besides they were great heroes too. That's why Batman himself recommended them to serve beside a who's who of the satellite era.

Assignments were quickly meted out and the heroes dispersed to fulfill their duties. Eventually all that was left standing were the two JLA's. Superman approached Hawkman. "Katar..."

"No need for that, Superman. You should go," said Hawkman.

"I just wanted to say the world's in good hands," said Superman.

Hawkman nodded. "You need to know that I don't like this. How do we know Mxyztplk isn't controlling you too?"

"For once we agree, Bird Brain," Green Arrow blurted. He stood in front of Superman in a way few would dare - within inches of him and his finger pointed in the Man of Steel's face. "I don't like this at all! I kept my mouth shut earlier so we'd present a unified front to the kiddies, but this stinks! We stay behind to nursemaid the rest of Earth's heroes while you gallivant to God knows where and won't even tell us what's going on? If you know something, tell us."

"Ollie," said Wonder Woman. "Trust us."

"Don't worry about him," said Black Canary. "Oscar just needs something to grouch about. Go! We'll keep the world safe."

Green Arrow waved off the other heroes as he walked away. "Nuts to you all! I'll be in the Monitor Womb if you need me."

The pneumatic doors hissed open and Green Arrow left the assembly.

"Same old Ollie," said Wonder Woman. "Thank Hera."

Everyone shared a chuckle and the mood turned somber once more. The two JLA teams gathered into groups. "Kyle, you know what to do," said Superman.

"I'm on it," said Kyle. A green train platform leaped from his ring and hovered above the floor of the Watchtower in silence that was broken only by the whistle of a distant train. An old steam engine pulled into the station. "Hogwart's anyone?"

The JLA boarded the passenger car. "Now what?" Aquaman asked.

"Leave that to me," said Superman. "Namrepus."

And with that the JLA disappeared once more.

"Man this feels weird, huh?" asked Elongated Man. "It's like old home week. The only thing missing is the satellite."

"And Barry," said Atom. He stood on Hawkman's shoulder.

Everyone nodded silently, noting their friend's absence. The somber reflection was cut short by a blaring alarm that filled the Watchtower with a shrill cry.

"The more things change..." said Black Canary.

Metropolis

Hawkman's Justice League arrived in Metropolis and were surprised to find the entire population sleuthing around the city dressed as Sherlock Holmes, complete with magnifying lenses, calabash pipes, and deerstalker hats. Despite the warm weather, they were all dressed in tweed suits covered by long Ulster coats.

Hal Jordan approached a man who appeared to be in his late forties. He was a little overweight and looked like he could by a banker, or his kid's soccer coach, or even a manager at one of the local businesses - anything but a detective.

"What are you looking for?" Hal asked.

The man peered through his lense at Hal's chest and scaled up his body. He recoiled when he reached the Emerald Gladiator's face. "I say, old chap. You gave me a bloody dreadful fright! Bloody dreadful!"

"I apologize sir, but it appears everyone is looking for something. Maybe the Justice League could help?" said Hal.

The erstwhile detective nearly dropped his lense and grabbed Hal by the shoulders. "Did you say Justice League?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.

Green Lantern nodded. "I did."

The man released his grip. "Interesting."

"My nose is twitching something serious, guys," warned Elongated Man. He stretched his neck and joined Sherlock Holmes and Green Lantern. "What's the mystery, Sherlock?"

"Elementary, my dear, pliable Watson!" said Sherlock. He took a deep draw from his pipe. The smell of cherry tobacco filled the air. "I'm looking for the Justice League and have no time for your hijinks."

"I believe these people are under Mxyztlplk's control," said Red Tornado.

"Have you seen them?" Sherlock asked. "The JLA?"

"Hey pal, we're the Justice League now!" Booster Gold bragged.

All the Sherlocks in Metropolis let out a collective gasp. Finally the first Sherlock laughed and was joined by the others. The laughter grew so rambunctious it even rolled out of the windows of the office complexes high overhead.

"What's so funny?" Booster Gold asked. "What did I say?"

"Good gag, old chap! Had me going there for a moment, but then I saw there was no Superman among you," Sherlock replied.

Booster argued with the detective. "Superman? He's ... oof!"

Green Arrow stopped Booster short with a well-placed elbow to his gut. "What do you want with Superman?"

"Where is Superman?" Sherlock demanded. His tone was noticeably nastier.

The JLA maintained silence.

"Where is he?" Sherlock screamed. "Tell me now!"

"We should leave," said Hawkman.

The JLA turned away. Green Lantern enclosed Blue Beetle, Black Canary, Atom, Elongated Man, and Zatanna within a sphere of emerald energy.

"Don't turn your backs on me!" Sherlock hissed. "Do you hear me?" Metropolis was suddenly rocked by a major earthquake as Sherlock's anger boiled over. Buildings shook with such force the older ones crumbled. Windows exploded all over the city. Even the pavement on Shuster Avenue buckled and sent debris flying into the air.

The JLA swept into action. The Red Tornado erupted with nature's fury and spun himself to the heights of a high rise skyscraper and returned with hundreds of Sherlock Holmes caught in the updraft of his tailwind. Though Metropolis still trembled, it lacked the destructive burst that coincided with the detective's initial blast of anger. The android placed the confused, panicked office workers on the ground. Thankfully the tremors subsided enough to allow him to do so.

Elongated Man stretched his arms up to windows for people to repel down them. Ignoring the shattered glass, he gripped a broken window frame. Frightened Metropolitans jolted from their fascination with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle quickly made use of their Elongated fire escape. Ralph strained against the weight of so many people sliding down his arms, but refused to release his hold until everyone was safe.

Hawkman took to the skies to rescue anyone he could from the rooftops of office buildings. Each one he rescued was one less person who had to use the weakened fire escapes. Booster Gold assisted him.

Hal Jordan erected an emerald water slide which quickly filled with the workers of a high-rise office complex. Black Canary, and Blue Beetle helped those who could not swim once they reached the swimming pool, which was quite deep to break the speed of the resident's descent without hurting them.

A fallen street lamp exploded and caught the awning of a lingerie shop on fire. Green Arrow fired off several shots against the building above the fire, releasing a cloud of pale white powder that reined down on the flames and quickly exhumed them before the building burned. "Good ol' Ammonium Phosphate works every time."

"I'd suggest a different supplier next time you whip up a batch of these," said Atom who hopped on the archer's shoulder. "Something processed from a higher grade phosphate ore maybe. It'll spread better upon impact. You're losing a lot of powder to the cloud."

"I'll put it on my wish list for Christmas," Green Arrow replied. "How we doing?"

"The best we can," Atom answered.

It was Firestorm who prevented most damage. He seemed to be everywhere. A gas main explosion rained flowers down on the panicked citizenry rather than chunks of pavement. Fronts of buildings were converted to inert gas and evaporated away to make evacuation easier.

Meanwhile the angry Sherlock rose into the air and appeared to become one with the sun. Sol's majesty was replaced by the angry face of Mxyztplk. His visage seemed so close it appeared one could reach up and touch it. One malicious look and suddenly all the Justice Leaguer's costumes were replaced by ill-fitting baseball uniforms. All the numbers were in the high eighties or above. Booster Gold and Blue Beetle weren't even given that much credit. Their uniforms simply read, 'Bat Boy'. "Heed my warning, you pathetic team of second-stringers. Bring me Superman or I'll tear this whole lousy globe apart until I find him!"

Having given his warning, Mxyztplk faded from sight just as Hawkman's mace reached the image. "Dammit, he got away!" said Hawkman.

The local authorities arrived on the scene, still dressed as Sherlock Holmes themselves, but were able to maintain crowd control which freed the JLA to return to the Watchtower.

Buenaventura, Colombia

Professor Hugo Knott was weary of the fighting. He wished his students could stay out of the madness that gripped the world and they succeeded until the Emberas pillaged Buenaventura and made off into the jungle.

These were not the peaceful men and women of the modern Emberas tribe known for leading the fight against developing their native lands in one of the world's most valuable bio-ecological systems. No, these were their fierce, war-like ancestors. The battle with the Emberas was unplanned, a dangerous pop quiz. Passing or failing grades would be determined by whether or not one lived or died.

The local government appealed to Windsor Academy for help. The Colombian people regarded them as heroes, an unfortunate situation which burned the Professor up.

The label implied certain responsibilities he would rather his students not have, like saving lives and fighting for the good of their fellow man. Sure, it did offer certain advantages like international protection from the school's enemies, but he hoped the ruse wouldn't give his school a bad name in the professional community.

The Professor worried for the safety of his students. They were hardly ready for such a melee, but with Dr. Barrabas Norton, Professor William Hand, and Jenius O'Jones leading the way, the children held their own.

Portia Cheney was the one the Professor worried for the most. In her feral form, she was savage with her relentless attacks and inflicted far more pain than she received, but also made no effort to guard herself from harm. Blinded by rage, she paid no mind to the arrows buried in her body. The Professor wished Tristan Stoner could get close enough to her to calm her down with his empathic powers, but there were far too many indigenous warriors between them. The Professor counted four arrows piercing her body. The one in her chest caused the most concern. Unlike the wounds the students suffered in their hard-light simulations, these would not go away when the dust settled.

Bo Freebird surfed over everyone's heads on an earthen surfboard. At the nose of his surfboard, he formed a small mortar cannon and fired large boulders at his opponents. The Emberas fought back, but their arrows stuck harmlessly into the bottom of his surfboard.

Indira Khandhari frightened the Emberas terribly with her stasis fields. They watched in horror as their brothers-in-arms were frozen within purple cones of energy. Their natural life spans would pass several times before they would be able to take their next steps.

Ezekiel Goldman, or Zeke as his peers called him, released explosive bursts from his fists, knocking scores of attackers to the ground.

Chaucer St. Claire employed the mobile white-noise canopy he developed for their first mission. It proved every bit as effective against the Emberas as it did against El Diablo Ramon's goons.

Georgia Sivana stayed with the Professor. She was a brilliant young woman and had a knack for strategy. She had no real powers other than her keen mind, but unlike Chaucer she had street smarts. If the boy genius was a repository of book knowledge then it could be said that Ms. Sivana was brilliant beyond her years in wisdom. She was also proving more level-headed than the others.

"Professor, we need to get Bo into the swamp to the east," said Georgia. "They're flanking us from there. Perhaps if he cut off their route..."

"Do it! Bo move fifty yards to your southeast!" the Professor instructed. "Professor O' Jones! Get in there with him."

"Aye, aye captain!" O' Jones replied over the faculty communicators. "I'm on it. O'Jones out. Let's send 'em to the Great Spirit, kid!"

Professor Knott pondered the wisdom of pairing Zeke with O'Jones. The dwarfish inventor was brilliant but also cruel. He loved to watch others suffer as they succumbed to the twisted tools of his genius. Then again perhaps it would be good for the children to see demonstrated the intensity level it took to survive in the business. Perhaps it would help them develop a missing edge.

The battle allowed the children a first glimpse at Dr. Norton's powers in action. Emberas dropped to their knees and screamed in horror as he passed among them and the agony of their worst nightmares played out before their eyes.

At last the Windsor Academy group overwhelmed the Emberas, but not without suffering a few setbacks of their own. Portia would have to remain in her feral form, thanks to the arrows embedded in her body. The one in her chest bled heavily.

"Tristan, keep her calm," Professor Knott ordered. "But not calm enough to elicit a change back to her human form. If she loses body mass now that arrow will rip through her."

Tristan nodded and the she-wolf calmed enough that Indira was able to approach her and stroke her fur.

Mr. Mxyztlpk appeared and hovered in the air over the group's head. "Now that's what I call action!"

"Who are you?" asked Bo.

"Think of me as the tooth fairy with a nasty attitude," Mxyztplk replied. "This is quite a gig you got going here, Professor Knott. Imagine that, a school for villains."

"I know who you are," Professor Knott replied. "You're Superman's arch foe, Mxyztplk."

Mxyztplk's face lit up. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Professor! Most people bestow that illustrious title upon Luthor, but you recognize the genuine article when you see it."

"Your reputation precedes you. May I ask why my students have been attacked?" Professor Knott asked.

Mxyztlplk bowed. When he straightened up, he snapped his fingers and the fallen Emberas disappeared. "I don't say this often but I must apologize. One of my clones got wind of a new group of superheroes in South America. Another one found out about your school's real purpose, so I came here myself to set things right."

"Apology accepted, of course," said Professor Knott. He knew better than to argue with Mxyztplk, especially if he was being pleasant.

Mxyztplk shook his head. "I insist. Let me make it up to you and your school."

"What do you have in mind?" Professor Knott asked.

Mxyztlplk snapped his fingers once more and Portia Cheney's wounds were healed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to looking for the Justice League."

JLA Watchtower

"How's it looking Oracle?" Hawkman asked.

"Better," Oracle replied. "We still have outbreaks all over the world, but now that we've established a communication protocol we're getting help to nations without metahuman natives. We're doing better than holding our own for the first time since this mess began."

"Hawkman out." So much had changed since he'd been away. He'd noticed little things here and there, but pretended not to. Being back with the JSA and JLA hammered home the changes, but there was also a familiarity, a level of comfort.

"Penny for your thoughts," said Atom.

There were very few people Hawkman truly considered friends. Ray Palmer topped the short list. Sure there were many colleagues, even a handful he would trust with his life, but far fewer friends. Hawkman took Batman's seat around the table sporting the JLA logo. "I don't know, Ray. Do you ever miss this?"

Atom pulled back his cowl. "Of course I do! I mean, I still work with the JLA on occasion but it's not really been the same for years. We really had something special there for awhile, huh?"

Hawkman nodded. "Yeah, we sure did. I've been blessed twice in my life to be part of something bigger than any of us individually."

"There's really two of you in there, huh?"

"There is," Hawkman replied. He looked around the Watchtower and quickly changed the subject. "Have you ever thought about coming back full-time?"

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Captain Carrot counted his teammates and was thankful everyone was alive and well. The last thing he remembered, the Zoo Crew fought bravely against a giant tornado creature that nearly leveled the city of Piggsburgh, Pennsylvania. The creature tossed the Zoo Crew to and fro, even hurling Fastback into the heart of the city, but somehow they won.

The good Captain picked himself off the ground while his teammates stirred. "Looks like we're all still here."

Pig Iron raised to his full towering stature and surveyed the scene. "Yeah, wherever that is."

"Something doesn't feel right about this at all," said Yankee Poodle. "My hair is suddenly unruly. That only happens in extreme humidity."

"You must see a lot of humidity then, dear," Alley Kat Abra hissed.

"You'll notice even the ground is different somehow," said Captain Carrot. The last thing the Zoo Crew needed was an argument amongst themselves. And the two girls had a history of bickering. "And the air too. It smells alien somehow. Maybe we should have a look around."

Alley Kat Abra sat cross-legged on the ground and drew a large pentagram in the dirt with a stone. "Maybe I can help."

"What ya doin' Ms. Alley?" Fastback drawled. "That shore is a purty star ya drawed."

"I should be able to divine our location," Alley Kat Abra replied. "I'll need everyone's cooperation."

"Please don't waste our time, dahling," Yankee Poodle sneered. "I refuse to sit around for another of your card tricks to avoid hurting your feelings. I can find my own way." She walked away from the mage's star.

Alley Kat Abra was undaunted. She enclosed the star within the radius of a large circle that touched all five points of the pentagram. "Stow it, snowball!"

"What did you call me?" Yankee Poodle asked with a pause. She turned to face her nemesis.

The hairs on Alley Kat Abra's back stood at attention as she stood. The two heroines squared off nose-to-nose before Captain Carrot and Rubberduck managed to squeeze between them.

Captain Carrot led Ally Kat Abra to the northern face of the pentagram. "Don't let her get to you."

"Please girls! No need to fight over me like cats and dogs," said Rubberduck. He grabbed Yankee Poodle by the shoulders and led her to the pentagram's opposite face. "You can sit by me, YP."

The dextrous duck managed to get Yankee Poodle to sit, but she made sure everyone knew she wasn't happy about following Alley Kat Abra's plan.

Finally the rest of the Zoo Crew joined them around the pentagram, filling in the spaces between the two pairs.

"Now if everyone will join hands," Alley Kat Abra instructed.

Despite Yankee Poodle's reluctance, the Zoo Crew complied and Alley Kat Abra sank into a trance-like state. "Oh five points of my feline star, tell us now where we are."

"Shucks, is that all you wanna know?" Fastback asked. "We're outside a place called Pittsburgh."

Alley Kat Abra's eyes sprung open. "I didn't know my divination would work so quickly."

"T'weren't your magic tricks, ma'am," said Fastback. He pointed to a sign. "Yon sign says, 'Welcome to Pittsburgh'."

The Zoo Crew stood. "What sign?" Pig Iron asked.

"Yeah, I don't see one," Little Cheese added.

Fastback rolled his eyes behind his goggles and blushed. "Sorry y'all. I sometimes forget you don't have superspeed like little ol' me. I saw it when Kitty Twister threw me into the city. It was good ol' Piggsburgh when I landed but on the way back things changed and I saw the sign I told you about. And the city is full of strange, nearly hairless folk. I believe some of them consume animal flesh. I spied a grocery store that advertised pork chops and bacon."

"Let me at 'em!" huffed Pig Iron. "I'll show these barbarians some pork chops!"

"Don't be so hasty to judge them, Pig Iron. We've obviously stumbled into some bizarre alternate dimension," said Captain Carrot.

The Zoo Crew let out a collective groan. "Again?"

"Great!" Rubberduck complained. "Every time Byrd Rental's career gets back on track, we get sucked into some weird alternate dimension. I'm due to wrap shooting tomorrow on the remake of the Dukes of Buzzard!"

"Did anyone else notice it's getting dark?" Pig Iron asked.

"Yeah," Little Cheese answered. "We just figured you were just blocking the sun."

"No," Pig Iron replied. He pointed to the sun. "Look!"

The Zoo Crew turned their noses skyward.

The face of the sun was replaced by the image of an angry-looking being. At first he laughed raucously but then his features contorted into a menacing glare. "Heroes of the world! It is I - Mr. Mxyztplk! I have searched every square inch of this disgusting mudball you call a planet for a sign of Superman or the Justice League! I have found neither, therefore I offer an ultimatum. If they don't come out of hiding in the next sixty seconds, I will destroy the city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania!"

"Hey! That's where we are," said Pig Iron.

"Little feller is crazy," Fastback added. "Plumb sunstroked."

"Pittsburgh, you're on the clock!" Mxyztplk bellowed. An hourglass appeared in the clouds next to his face.

Captain Carrot raised a defiant fist and shook it at Mxyztplk. "Our world or not, the Zoo Crew will not sit idly by and let you destroy innocent lives!"

For a brief instant, Mxyztplk appeared slightly confused. He looked around as if searching for something, but then his gaze fell on the motley band of heroes. His face lit up. "Well! Well! What have we here? What delicious schemes have my clones been up to?"

Mxyztplk's arms appeared and scooped up the Zoo Crew in his hands.

Of course the Zoo Crew were never the kind to back down from a battle. Captain Carrot and Pig Iron pushed against the grip that bound them but the fingers wrapped around them wouldn't budge. Rubberduck stretched himself into a lasso and had Little Cheese toss him over the imp's head. A burst of heat vision from Mxyztplk's eyes made things too hot for the malleable mallard.

"No wonder Supes enjoys heat vision so," Mxyztplk cackled.

"I'm trying to vibrate my molly-cules fast enough to allow me to slip through his fingers, but he's got me tied tighter than a Tater sack in a dark cellar," said Fastback.

Yankee Poodle shot her Stars and Bars into Mxyztplk's eyes and they fazed him long enough for Captain Carrot and Pig Iron to break free. Captain Carrot hurled the Porcine Powerhouse toward the Imp. Pig Iron's right hand smashed into Mxyztplk's nose. By this time, Little Cheese and Rubberduck lassoed the fifth dimensional terror once more. Captain Carrot joined them in trying to hold him. All the while Alley Kat Abra prepared to unleash her spell. When at last it was ready she aimed her wand at Mxyztplk's nose. "Bees knees and a good strong breeze make our foe have to sneeze!"

The magic worked. Mxyztplk sneezed and dropped everyone.

Fastback created an updraft that allowed him and Little Cheese to make it to the ground safely. Captain Carrot caught Pig Iron. Their landing wasn't as smooth, but they were no worse for the wear despite the gaping crater in the ground. Alley Kat Abra rode a magic carpet. Yankee Poodle created a red, white, and blue slide from her stars and bars and slid to safety. Rubberduck assumed the form of a parachute and floated to the earth.

Mxyztplk recovered from his sneezing fit and leered at the Zoo Crew. "You brobk my nobse!"

"We'll break more than your nose if you don't leave this city alone!" warned Little Cheese.

Mxyztplk touched his nose and it straightened. "Is that so? When I'm done with your little group, you'll wish..."

"Enough of this madness!"

Another face appeared in the sky beside Mxyztplk's visage. The face belonged to Superman. He crushed Mxyztplk's hourglass within his hands. "Looking for someone Mxy?"

"You!" Mxyztplk cried. "I've looked everywhere for you!"

"Not everywhere," Superman replied with a coy smile.

"Wipe that silly grin off your face," Mxyztplk warned. "You know better than to taunt me!"

Superman chuckled. "Frustrating, huh?

"I demand to know where you are!" said a visibly upset Mr. Mxyztplk. "Where can you go that I can't find you?"

"Someplace you'd never think to look," Superman answered. "Green Lantern?"

Another face appeared in the sky to Mxyztplk's left. This one belonged to Kyle Rayner - the Green Lantern of the Justice League. "Thanks Big Blue."

"Green Lantern!" gasped Mxyztplk. The imp stepped from the sky and hovered above the Zoo Crew. He was much smaller than he had been before.

"How touching! You remember me!" Green Lantern taunted.

Mxyztplk's back sprang erect and he appeared to bounce up and down like a piston without a chamber or a child throwing a fit, if the child could do so while hovering in the air. His fists were clenched as tightly as his mouth. Steam boiled out the top of his derby. "Tell me where you're hiding!"

A burst of verdant energy shot from Green Lantern's ring toward Mr. Mxyztplk and engulfed his feet. His purple boots were replaced by a pair of emerald ladies slippers adorned with a striking bow near the tongue.

"Not quite Ruby slippers, but they'll do the job," Green Lantern explained. "Just click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like..."

"HOME!" Mxyztplk fumed as he finished Green Lantern's sentence. The Justice League fired the shot heard 'round the world.

While a very confused Zoo Crew looked on, Mr. Mxyztplk vanished.

The Fifth Dimension

Mxyztplk shrieked as he arrived in the Fifth Dimension. Everywhere he turned there were statues honoring the Justice League. The faces of the seven iconic members were even carved into the side of Imp Mountain.

A breathtaking fireworks display trumpeted their greatest battles. Vivid images appeared first as newspaper headlines and then exploded with scenes from past victories. Amazo! Felix Faust! Queen Bee! Imps everywhere were eager to ooh and ah as one firework story gave way to the next and lit up the sky. A fiery grand finale reminded everyone that the Justice League kept the Fifth Dimension safe for truth, justice, and the American way.

"What have you done?" Mxyztplk screamed.

Small children imps walked along the streets with copies of Wonder Woman's book of kindness under their arms. There was an entire movement that followed the Amazon's teachings. Everyone was so impressed they elected her as permanent Secretary of Education.

And speaking of elections....

Aquaman was the new monarch of the Fifth Dimension, or at least it was his turn this week. Batman had his turn the week before.

Mxyztplk couldn't escape the cursed Justice League or his nemesis Superman. There seemed to be no end to it. No matter where he sought respite, he found none. All the little boy imps replaced their hands with hooks and grew their hair long. It had gotten so that you couldn't tell the boy imps from the girl imps.

Everyone wore Justice League costumes. The Flash was the most popular, followed closely by the Green Lantern. This despite the fact that J'onn J'onzz was the star of his own reality television series! My Favorite Martian indeed!

"What have you vandals done to my home?" asked a stunned Mxyztplk.

Superman flew beside him. "You like it?"

Mxyztplk whipped around. "No, I don't! Change it back now!"

Superman winced. "Ooh, I can't do that."

"Why not?" Mxyztplk asked.

"And we have none other to thank for it than you, Mxy," Superman beamed.

"Me?" asked Mxyztplk. "What do I have to do with this wanton destruction?"

"You've shown us the light, Mxy. We couldn't live with the changes you made to our world so we found a place we could remake in our own image," Superman explained. "Isn't it terrific?"

"But you don't have any magic," Mxyztplk stammered.

"Sure we do," Superman answered. "I can move mountains, bend steel in my bare hands, change the course of mighty rivers. Batman possesses one of the keenest minds our world has ever known. Anything he can imagine the rest of us are able to do. You've seen our powers, the Flash, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, J'onn, and myself. Tell me we don't wield magic of our own."

"I know what you're trying to do and it won't work," Mxyztplk huffed.

"Me?" Superman asked coyly.

"Don't feign innocence with me," said Mxyztplk. "You know darn well what I mean! You want me to undo all my magic and in return you'll undo all this. But it won't work!"

"You're still a smart foe, Mxyztplk," said Superman. "You have to get up early in the morning to put one past you."

While the pair flew over Mxyztplk's dimension, Superman pointed out various other "improvements" the Justice League made to it. Despite all the changes, Mxyztplk refused to budge.

"I never thought it would come to this," said Superman. "But I'm ready to concede."

Mxyztplk looked stunned. "Really? I win?"

Superman shrugged. "Fair and square. I know when I'm licked."

Mxyztplk looked like a child who just unwrapped the Christmas present he wanted for so long. Glee spread across his face in a giddy smile. He was washed in absolute euphoria. "I did it! I beat you! I can't believe it! Ha Ha!"

Superman nodded and hung his head. "Yeah, but I'm a good sport about it. What say we head over to your place and have a drink?"

"Splendid idea," said Mxyztplk. "I'm still not undoing my handiwork, mind you. But if you wish to honor my victory by kicking back a few, so be it. It only makes it that much sweeter. And I want all your Justice League buddies there for the big moment. I want them to see you beaten."

Superman nodded. "Absolutely. I've already contacted J'onn telepathically and informed him of your wishes. It's your party after all."

The pair reversed direction and headed toward Mxyztplk's home. The feisty imp rubbed it in the entire trip. Several stops were made along the way so he could brag to his impish friends. They looked stunned, but seemed to take it in stride. A few were obviously disappointed in the Man of Steel. He apologized profusely, but they turned their heads and walked away. Every time that happened it only goaded Mxyztplk to even more fervent heights.

"How much further to your home, Mxyztplk? I can't take facing another disappointed face," Superman pleaded.

"As much as I enjoy that look of pathetic scorn in the eyes of those who've taunted me every time you've beaten me, I would much rather see it in the eyes of your Super Friends," said Mxyztplk. "My house is just bel...."

Mxyztplk cut his sentence short.

"That's it there?" Superman asked, pointing to an abode below.

"No," Mxyztplk whispered. "It can't be."

"What's wrong?" Superman asked.

"Please tell me it's a bad dream," Mxyztplk answered. He closed his eyes and opened them again, as if wishing the sight would no longer be there. "Have you no shame?"

"I don't understand," said Superman.

Mxyztplk shot toward his home. Superman followed.

Once they landed, they were greeted by the Justice League and a host of imps. Mxyztplk's home housed the largest Superman museum in all the known universes and dimensions. Every detail of the Man of Steel's life was chronicled there. There were even whole wings dedicated to other "Supermen" of Earths long-since perished. A graying-at-the-temples, mild-mannered city editor of the Daily Star, a young "Superboy" who adventured with a group of super-powered teens a millennia in the future, and even several Supergirls. There were Superbabys and even "sons" of Batman and Superman who fancied themselves as the World's Finest Tour Guides.

Mxyztplk's complexion was green.

"What's wrong, Mxy?" Batman asked. "You don't look well."

The imp wretched. "I'm not well, Bat-dolt! Look at my beautiful home! A man's home is his castle and you've converted it into a shrine to Superman!"

"Beatiful, huh?" Flash asked.

Mxyztplk kicked the scarlet speedster in the shins. "No, it's not beautiful! I want my home back!"

Superman shook his head. "Sorry, Mxy but if we don't get our home back neither do you. But you won, remember?"

"I don't care about winning," the Imp yelled. "Just give me back my castle the way it was. Undo your magic."

"You first," said Superman.

"This isn't fair," Mxyzptlk pouted.

An impish judge appeared and opened a large, leather-bound booked clearly labeled as the rule book for impish magic. "Hmm..... He's right. It's not fair," said the judge.

Mxyztplk looked surprised the judge agreed with him for once. "See? Even the judge says it's not fair."

"But life's not fair sometimes," said the judge. He slammed the book shut. "Deal with it, Myxztplk. The rest of us do!"

"But... but... Aw! Nuts! Ok! You can have your stupid world back!" said Mxyztplk.

"You first," Superman reiterated. "Once you undo yours, we'll undo everything we've done here."

"Promise?" Mxyztplk asked.

Superman raised his right hand and placed his left over his heart. "Scout's honor."

"You would say that. Wouldn't you?" Mxyztplk asked. He snapped his fingers and he and the Justice League hovered in space above the Earth. He held out a jar and whistled. His clones came running from the four corners of the globe and hopped into it. Each one looked at him with the same look of disgust the broken-hearted imps gazed at Superman with earlier. He capped the lid and gave it to Superman to screw on tight.

"Now can I have my world back?" Mxyztplk answered.

"Sure," said Superman. "But first you must undo their magic."

Mxyztplk sighed. "Klptzyxm!"

Again the Justice League popped into the Fifth Dimension. This time with Mxyztplk at their side.

No one moved a muscle.

"Well?," Mxyztplk asked impatiently.

"Looks like our work here is done," said Flash.

The Justice League nodded and congratulated themselves.

"What are you talking about?" Mxyztplk asked. "You've not done anything."

"Exactly," Superman replied. "We did none of this. Your own people are responsible for everything you see."

"But I undid my magic," Mxyztplk whined.

"That's very sporting of you," Superman replied. "You held up your end of our bargain and now we've upheld ours."

"But you can't leave things like this!" Mxyztplk argued.

Again the impish judge appeared with his book of rules. "Yes, they can. This is your punishment Mxyztplk. For the next ninety days you will be bombarded with the Justice League's gallantry and bravery. Perhaps then you will learn to leave their world alone and become a productive member of ours. And if not, there's a spare Insect Queen costume in your closet. The Superman museum is hiring tour guides."

Thanks Department

I want to thank everyone who made this story arc possible. To all my fellow FDC writers who gave me permission to use the characters they borrow from DC (I hate to say "their" characters. DC gets touchy about that kind of thing) - Thank you. I hope I left them relatively unscathed for future tales. To Dale for allowing me to do a JLA story. No matter what your interest in the DC universe, if you're a writer you want to do a JLA story at least once. To my fellow editors thanks for your support and encouragement. And most of all to you the fans for reading my story.

David Marshall